Mr. G Quotes

Episode 1
"I tend to do the "wow" shows and every second year we do the traditionals."

"This is the big show I did last year - Tsunamarama - which was was about the Tsunami tragedy set to the music of Bananarama."

"My name is Greg Gregson, but the kids at school call me Mr. G, which is sort of an abbreviation that some of the more popular teachers seem to get."

"Coffee, coffee, coffee before we teach-ee teach-ee."

"Mum always says that, even as a baby, other babies were crying in a sort of monotone way, but if I called out to mum, rather than "Mum" like other kids I would go "Mahhham.""

"I choreographed the whole "Xanadu" soundtrack and performed it for my friends at my ninth birthday."

"I did "Cats" - it was just a cabaret, a one man."

"I did "Bubble Wrap" which was me and a couple of other boys. I would emerge from various types of packaging."

"Welcome to the magical world of drama!"

"I always say to Margaret "You've got yourself an entertainment industry professional for the price of a teacher, so where's my pay raise?""

"We used to have huge bushes here once but we had a girl raped behind them, so we had to have them removed, chopped down. And as you can see, the kids have done an anti-rape mural behind."

"We allow them to play with the normal kids at recess and lunch."

"(Hugs Toby's shoulders) This sort of thing is fine. (hugs Toby's ass) That sort of thing -- not fine. Fine. Not fine."

"My drama classroom is my haven. It's where I come alive."

"Welcome to Mr. G's room, G's room, G's room. Welcome to Mr. G's room, come inside. [...] and take your shoes off, find a spot on the floor."

"My teaching methods are fairly unique. I get pretty experimental, and I go crazy sometimes. I just let loose."

"Into the room... "Thank God you're here! I've been shot.""

""Thank God you're here. Where have you been, bitch?""

"Spin around, Chinaman. Spin around, spin around."

"Slap the butcher!"

"Slap the butcher is one of the fun games that we play. It deals with the idea of possession in theater."

"One thing that I like to do, from time to time, is I just perform for the kids for a whole lesson, just to give them a sort of benchmark of how things are done, so they can see how someone at a professional industry level handles the performance side of things."

"Rawr... rawr rawr rawr raw."

"Dance doesn't discriminate."

"They have some interesting moves that I've never seen before in normal people. Their bodies move in a different way."

""Bully Elliot" earlier this year was wonderful. They had a boy over there that was bashed into a coma after a bullying incident. And one of the drama teachers wrote a musical about it."

"Celine is one of the smartest dogs you will ever meet."

- Rodney

"Celine has an oversized brain. She's got one of the largest brains for a dog of her age and species. As you can see, that's how you're meant to hold them. That's the brain just at the front there."

"(holds Celine up to Rodney. To Rodney:) Don't touch. Just look."

""Thank God you're here. Grandma's been raped.""

"I'm there to teach them to dare to dream, and to bring into their lives a little bit of magic."

Episode 2
"That's one of our staff who had cancer. She's been dead for ages."

"I don't want you touching my food, and I don't want to live in your filth."

"I'm director of performing arts. Spread it."

"The staff is really excited too. Everybody's giving me a little eyebrow raise when I'm walking up the corridor, when usually they look away."

"10,000 seat theatre, so we can put on professional level shows."

"Gregson. He's calling it the Gregson Center of Performing Arts. It's stupid, but I have to call it that. Call it that if you want."

Episode 3
"I'm in what I call my search phase, at the moment. This is where I come up with my ideas for my musicals. I seek inspiration, I look around, I take things in."

"About four years ago I did a show called "Downloadin'" which is a musical about a computer that falls in love with its owner. I came up with that idea simply from sitting at home in front of my computer thinking, "oh imagine if that computer fell in love with me.""

"I worked out who Annabel is, or was. Turns out she was very good friends with a couple of my year eleven drama girls. So, yeah, it's been quite a cool little connection there."

"[Annabel's death] will be on the news tonight, I reckon. That'll be good. No, that's not good."

"She's what the kids would call a slut, which is a terrible thing to say about someone who's just died, but apparently there's no denying she was one."

"Annabel's story is perfect for musical interpretation. I want to get to the truth of Annabel. Who she is. How she became a drug addict. Cover the binge drinking, the sleeping around, the anorexia."

"[singing] Annabel, you're a slut."

"I can't think of a better way to commemorate a student's life than to write a musical about them!"

"[singing] Annabel Dickson! When girls take drugs, and then they die. Who would've thought at Summer Heights High? On days like these, it's a Bummer Heights High! That Annabel died!"

"[singing] She's a party girl with a bad habit, a bad habit for drugs."

"[singing] She's a slut and she knows it. She wants to root all the boys. She can't help taking the drugs on a Saturday night."

"[singing] Ecstasy. Ecstasy. E. E. E. E. Ecstasy."

"She's been sent by an angel to give me an idea for a musical. If it wasn't for her, then this show wouldn't be going ahead, so I'm over the moon."

"The great thing about it is that you've got drugs, you've got youth suicide, you've got anorexia, dealing with all "youth" issues. The kids can connect to it, can relate to it."

Episode 4
"I'm known around the school for having an above average sense of smell, so I use my nose to control certain behaviors. I like to sniff the kids most mornings just randomly in the corridors, checking for various odors: cigarette smoke, graffiti pens, alcohol, cannabis, that sort of thing. Just identifying that, singling the kids out."

"I've been casting the net wide this year, so to speak. The roll of Annabel - the real Annabel Dickson was quite a sexy girl and had a wild quality. I think there are some girls who have that at this school, so I am asking some of the sluttier girls to get involved."

"I cannot afford to have a cast that can't handle the pressure, so rather than going straight into a general audition, I like to go into what I call a psychological assessment."

"You need to be fairly thick-skinned to be in a show like mine, so I do what I call a "sensitivity test"."

"You have thighs like an elephant and a face like a bloody horse. Who's going to pay to see you on stage? Who?"

"Rejection can be tough, but the world is a tough place. Deal with it."

"[singing] It's boys and cocks and sex and drugs. It's not like it used to be. There's nowhere to hide from teen suicide, watch out for teen pregnancy. It's the worst place in Australia, where you can get anorexia. School these days! Don't want to go to school!"

- Girls in audition

"Caleb, more effort please. I thought black people were supposed to have rhythm."

"Don't let your weight drag you down, please, sweetheart."

"What I'm looking for is are you a triple threat? Do you have the ability to sing, dance, act. And do you have the look?"

"Less chatting and more stretching please. It's G-time not free time. Come on."

"[singing] My name is Mr. G! Three talents - one, two, three. Singing and dancing and acting is my life! I'm a teacher, that's for sure! In a world of crazy kids!"

- Boys in audition

"She turns, she sluts her way off. Excellent."

"As you know, today is the day that I announce the cast. And as you know, oh this is really hard, I wish I could have had everyone in the show. But I can't. But I wanted to bring you in here to tell you that... you are my cast! You're in the show!"

"I know you're excited to find out who's in the cast of the show. When I look around this room I see a lot of talent. This is going to be an amazing show. That's why I wanted to tell you guys that you... are NOT in my show. It's the other group, it's not you guys."

"I think for some kids it's better that they know now than find out later in life that they've got no talent. I always say that they'll thank me one day."

Episode 5
"One of my big duties, and I've been doing it for the last five years or so, is evacuation proceedures. I find that I use my acting skills to create the drama of the situation. It adds a lot of realism and really freaks the kids out."

"Miss Allen from the library's got third degree burns!"

"These are the ecstasy pills, which are a lightweight polystyrene for dancing purposes."

"These are called the cutters... they're for the kids that are into the cutting on the arms."

"So, various sort of suicidal themes which the teenagers are into."

"I'm finding that I'm weaving the character of Mr. G into the musical a lot more than I expected I would."

"These are our slut outfits. The slut outfits that the girls will be wearing in the nightclub scene."

"I decided that I'm going to do the show as an arena spectacular. The arena-style seating will cascade upwards in a circular motion around. We're hiring that in."

"I'm trying to maintain a standard. I'm trying to put on a good show. And I don't need bloody Special Education nightmares."

"They're nothing but trouble. I mean, they're great kids. I love the kids."

"They've had a life of not being good enough. Surely they know it by now."

"Some of the non-wheel chaired ones aren't exactly easy on the eye."

"Just a little bit of poo on the floor and they'd shut us down."

"[singing] School's hard sometimes, you just can't get by. You need something fast to get you high. Marijuana or maybe ecstasy. Stop, no, take this advice from me! Don't get involved with drugs! Just fill your life with hugs! Don't get in-don't get involved with drugs!"

"Rodney, can I get you to jot down "ramps and masks" please?"

Episode 6
"Hoopies. Come on, Celine. Hoopies."

"She'd jump four to five meters above the ground with a run-up. She'd just dive through it. She'd run-run-run-run-run and through the hoop and down. She used to do a trick where she'd grab onto my arm, she'd bite onto my sleeve and I'd swing her around. We used to do multiplication tricks, a little trick where I'd giver her a simple multiplication sum."

"Two times three is? Go. Step it out. One, two. Step it out. Come on. Three four five, six. Well done."

"[Celine] loves a bit of a swing."

"Mr. G The Musical: The story of a teacher who cared too much."

- Poster

"The character of Mr. G in this new re-worked show, he's a Jesus-type figure, if you like. He preaches to the kids about their issues. But he can't help young Jessica, who's similar to the Annabel character. She gets involved in drugs and dies of an overdose at the end of act two. She doesn't listen to Mr. G's advice."

"Rodney press play please. It's not that hard, bloody Toby could do it."

"What do you call that? You look like a bloody brain-dead retard. Jesus Christ, only a mother could love it. Do you realize you look like a moron on stage?"

"I'm not interested in your opinion in my language, Rodney, right now I don't care. Tell someone who cares. I'm sick of PE and I'm sick of them taking over my bloody gym. I'm sick of all of it. And I'm sick of you giving me your stupid opinions and saying stupid things in my face. And I'm sick of your voice, Rodney. Why don't you take a chill pill, idiot?"

"As for painting the gym floor white? That's absolutely ludicrous and out of the question."

- Margaret

"May I just remind you, Margaret, that I have my resignation letter in my pigeonhole waiting to go? And I don't want to have to use it, but I will use it."

"Things are going from worse to worse. My lead, who plays Mr. G, has walked. He's left the show. Rumors coming back to me that apparently I called him a pansy in one of the rehearsals and suggested that he may be responsible for the lack of ticket sales."

"He's bringing a sort of a masculine quality to the role, which is more in keeping with the Mr. G character."

Episode 7
"One of my big gripes is that there's a lot of teasing that goes on at this school. Kids are very nasty. Toby deals with a lot of that stuff. He has to deal with being called "You spaz! You retard! Spastic!" What else do you get? "Nuff nuff!" And I know how he feels. I had a difficult school time myself. I went to an all-boys' school and I went by my real name in those days, which is Hellen, the ancient Greek masculine version of the name. You can imagine at a boys' school with a name like Hellen Gregson it was not easy. Getting called things like "Oh, you're a big poof, Hellen. You're a poofter." I used to wear my pants fairly high in those days cause I was a dancer -- that's just how we wore them then -- so, "Hellen, stop pulling your pants up, you big poof.""

"Why don't you go buy some more books for the library, or crap like that?"

"I'm so sick of you. I'm sick of your stupid school, and, you're all pathetic. I've built that drama department up from the shit-hole that it was when I came here and you've never appreciated me for doing that. You've never thanked me. You've never said "Greg, thank you for what you've done." Now, I could have taken a different road -- I could have been huge by now if I had taken a different path in my life. I could have been famous. I would have been massive. Instead, I've just chosen to waste my time in a pathetic school with loser teachers and idiots like you. And I'm so sick of it. You're pathetic. I'm better than all of you people out there. I'm better than all of you. I try to bring a little bit of hope, a little bit of magic into this school. I try to have a dream -- I dare to have a dream that's big -- and you shove it in my face, I get it slapped back in my face, "No it's not possible, we can't do that." Shoot me for wanting to dream. Shoot me for giving the kids something to aspire to. I'm bloody resigning. I'm so sick of it. Shove it up your ass, Margaret. I'm resigning, everyone. I'm out of here. That's it, I'm gone. There's my letter of resignation and there's some flowers for my dead dog. Why don't you stick those up your fat ass? Fuck off, everyone. I'm gone."

"I've got the whole staff signing one of those big oversized cards. So, everyone's wishing me well."

"I'm not going to say goodbye to everyone, I don't like everyone."

"My artistic integrity was being tampered with way too much."

"Rodney's organized one of those farewell walkout guard-of-honor sort of things, which is compulsory for all the Drama kids to go to, so there should be a fairly big turnout for that."

"Goodbye Summer Heights High. Forever."

"Getting on with your life? Why have you spent all day today driving up and down outside the school?"

- Margaret

Episode 8
"You can see from the brain size in comparison to the body that's not a large brain."

"In the playground of today, children are faces with drugs, sex, suicide, and anorexia. One man, one teacher tried to make a difference. That teacher's name was Mr. G G G G G G"

"[singing] My name is Mr. G! Three talents - one, two, three. Singing and dancing and acting is my life! I'm a teacher, that's for sure! In a world of crazy kids! At Summer Heights High!"

"She's a naughty girl with a bad habit, a bad habit for drugs."

Everything ends in sadness. Fulfilling all your fears.

What goes up, must come down. And it all ends in tears.

But you don't have to worry. Cause you're not here right now. And this world is a bad, bad place and we wonder why or how.

Oh, Celine. Oh, Jessica. Those damned drugs, that bloody car.

You look just like you did in your beds. Except this time you're dead. Except this time you're dead! Except this time you're dead!

Oh, Celine. Jessica Celine.

"Just a quick announcement before we do our finale. Everyone, I hope you're enjoying the show. Well done, cast, so far. As most of you know, I am no longer teaching here. I was driven out due to mistreatment and general abuse. Tonight was supposed to be an arena spectacular but due to the selfishness of your principal you are seated on the floor. I've always faced my critics, but I think tonight's show has put a lot of egg on the face of my skeptics. Yay for the show. Yeah, I'm a dreamer and I always will be. So, if you're willing to let me be me, then as of Monday I am coming back to teach."

When you're all alone in this big wide world And you just can't find your place And you wanna tell the children Of all the human race The special ones The normal ones The Chinese ones as well It just ain't right to lose a child's life So lift your nose and smell the smell

The smell of life! The smell of children! The smell of doing it together! The smell of life!

Jessica: I'd be alive if I took the advice Advice of Mr. G You don't need sex and you don't need drugs 'cause life is ecstasy!

The smell of life! The smell of children! The smell of doing it together! The smell of life!

"Well it's been a whirlwind last couple of weeks of term. The show was a huge hit. We just did the one night, ticket sales weren't great. I blame the seating issue for that. And yes, I finally got my performing arts center. Margaret's popped me into one of the demountables, which is great. I've moved into where the Special Ed kids were. They got kicked out actually, unfortunately. Someone kept finding poo on the floor and the kids have moved out."

"Lowering in the time capsule. Watch, everyone, this is it. Say goodbye. See you in 100 years. Okay, yay for the new performing arts centre."

"Well, the big news is Celine didn't die. I didn't want her to be in the production in a wheelchair I thought that would look a bit weird so I kept it a secret until last week."

"Unfortunately, due to Celine's paralysis she's lost the use of her anus muscles in her rear end so when it comes to toilet time, well it's just a manual function. You have to squeeze the poo out. So we do that twice a day and it's just fine."

"Logies""ooo, annabelle dixon, ooo annabelle dixon when girls take drugs and then they die, who would have thought at summer hights high, day like these, its a, bummer hights high. when annabelle died."